I've put the blog on an indefinite Hiatus (again). Sorry, I don't have enough time to blog anymore. But I will be back.... sometime. So please keep checking, and do not remove my blog from your bookmark! Later, homies!

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Wisdom of The Slim

Wednesday, January 31, 2007
I've been wanting to introduce this little section for a long time, but a few things came up, I kept chasing even more lost time than ever and eventually had to take a little break. But now that things are beginning to look normal, I guess I can officially declare this little section open. But before I get to that, I have a few rants. Today, me and my dad got invited to a party, and Oh. My. God. Did it get me cranky or what?

Oh wait... I guess I can't rant about the party until tomorrow... its getting late. And moreover, the party has made me really sleepy . So, a quick intro to Wisdom of The Slim and I'm off for the day. It's a new thing/category/topic, where I post witty (read: stupid) one liners, two liners, three liners, x liners, some of them coined by.... who else? The one and only, Yours Truly . These one liners would be thought provoking, funny, boring or just plain stupid. It depends on my mood.

I decided to include this section as an excuse when I'm too lazy to post long (and boring) articles. It is also a way to share with you all whatever I've learnt in my 19 years of existence, share my stupidity and queer sense of humor. So with that, here's the first one of its kind (and my favorite):

"If ignorance is bliss, you're orgasmic."

Bikini = Porn in India

Sunday, January 28, 2007
Our politicians have a unique way of interpreting things. See, there was this channel called AXN, which was my only source to some hot bikini clad women on TV. Now I've been deprived of that, thanks to our politician friends in the parliament. I learnt that the channel had been banned, but I wasn't too concerned because I thought it would be just another farce, like the (in)famous Blogger ban last July. But I started getting edgy when the channel never made a comeback for three days.

After some quick research, I found out the channel has been banned till March 15. Just for showing a few bikini clad chicks (sometimes transparent), and a program titled "Worlds Sexiest Commercials", the Government has slapped a ban for "indecent" shows. So there's the math. Bikini = Porn. I know you're laughing, but I'm not 'cause I'm the one that is deprived of my daily eye candy of internet chick watching, porno and TV. Now my babe watching will drop by 30% atleast, which is not a good thing for a horny 19 year old.

Jokes apart, the reason given for the ban by the Government is "tastless" TV. Oh, give me a break. Only watching government run channels do you get "tasteless" TV. You want tasteless TV, just tune into the government sports channel. All they air are golf matches, a boring game of snooker, horse racing, kabaddi, Olympic games from a decade ago, some "sport" where one player slowly pushes an almost liquid-like "ball" with an ice hockey stick on a smooth surface and, another one guides it to the "finish line" without even touching the liquid-like ball (sorry for the long description, I have no idea what this "sport" is called), and any boring sport under the sun. Chess even! Oh, and don't forget the annoying islamic music playing in the background most of the time.

You want tasteless TV? How about tuning in to the "National" TV. Stupid cultural programs, again mostly consisting of annoying islam music, but this time, some weird people wearing crazy costumes dancing . How can one forget the dumbass quiz programs, where the host asks simple questions like "Whats 1 + 1" and the contestant goes "uhhh... 5!", and the audience boo him and go, "No dumbass! Its 89!". India has shitloads of languages, and there are equal number of government run channels in each one, which are equally bad, to put it lightly. And they dare call the Worlds Sexiest Commercials tasteless. Guess the old owls in the parliament (pun intended) need a briefing on interesting TV.

But amidst all of this shit, there is something to cheer about for the uhhh... morally-challenged, like me. Apparently, the Government is due to pass a bill that would allow the broadcast of adult content after 11 pm. I guess the politicians themselves are getting pretty desperate for some boobies on late night TV. I'm not very excited though, because kissing scenes could be adult content in our politicians dictionary. But for now, I gotta compensate that 30% loss by downloading some torrents. Sigh.

It's a racists worst nightmare. One moment you're insulting someone (thinking you're) on your way to fame, and the next, you're made to kiss the ass of the entire masses of the race of the person you insulted. It happened to Kramer and now, Jade Goody of Big Brother fame wants to be "goody" two shoes. She's on her way to India, apparently to "apoligize to people", as Indiatimes' version of Times of India puts it. Obviously, she isn't on the Government's list of "official guest".

Blair and the House of Commons probably had a role on this. They're already hit with Islamic problems, and the last thing they wanted was Goody running her mouth like that on National (international?) TV. I hope to find a video of Blair conversing with Goody about it. He would probably be all like, "Aye bitch! Do you realize what jeopardy you have caused on our relations wi.... nuclear deal.... buttsecks with Mushar...errr... world domination.... blah blah" with his funny little accent.

Though, I wonder what Ms. Goody Two Shoes would do for fun down here. Obviously she can't go around calling people "dog" or point at a random person and tell them to go back to "the slum". Thats as stupid as going to a gangsta territory and calling them niggers. She better not make the mistake of visiting Calcutta, or atleast hope the people are ignorant (as they usually are) about the Big Brother incident, because there are plenty of emotional bastards out there who get provoked very easily and would give her a hard time.

My guess is that pretty much wherever she goes, she would get a hard time from local politicians, who are always looking for an opportunity to boost their votes by debating in length about unimportant issues (Yes, believe me. Our local politicians never look into issues of importance, like proper roads or good infrastructure. But they always seem to boost their votes! Lets just pretend we don't know how that happens). So yes, Goody is probably in for a trip of her lifetime, and it isn't going to be very pleasant. She will be atleast food poisoned once during her stay (which would be played down), which she would blame on the "stupid" Indian spicy food of course! She would be better off staying in a hotel room, stay low profile, eating soy beans, tea and crumpets.

Reality TV Hits New Low

Thursday, January 25, 2007
Reality shows never thrilled me. In fact, it repels me like how fat and ugly chicks repel a horny-ass teenager on a prom night. Most reality shows are useless and baseless (you'd agree if you aren't one of those Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie and Simon Cowell worshippers). But the hyped up season 6 of American Idol, and the way Paula Abdul, one of the judges ended up drunk on Fox [video], I was intrigued to watch it. And that's when I realized reality shows had dropped to a new low.

In the beginning of the show, there were a lot of awful singers auditioning. By "awful", I'm being polite. So you can imagine how bad they were (Actually, I hate any stereotype, Hilary Duff or Kelly Clarkson-like poppy, lovey-dovey song, but I'll just pretend I liked the other singers for now). At every opportunity available, Simon Cowell would insult the person auditioning. Not just their awful singing, also their looks, dress, hairdo etc. And I noticed a lot of developmentally challenged (read: fat, ugly, nerdy, shortypants etc.) people auditioning. Cowell would have a go at them as well, irrespective of their singing. What surprises me is that there hasn't been a single lawsuit filed for defamation yet. I mean, most Americans love money. They'd jump at every opportunity to make a quick buck by filing a lawsuit.

It wouldn't surprise me if including awful singers, especially the developementally challenged ones, was Simon's idea to climb a few notches up the celeb charts, by making controversial and mean comments. Or it could be that these people are paid to get insulted in front of national TV. Hmm. Either way, human morals have hit a new low. And on the other hand, we have another useless "reality" show, Big Brother. I can't help but mention it, if not blog about it in detail. The only worth the show has is help improve has-been celebrities climb a character high in the celebrity list, so they can be in the news and idiots who watch worthless reality TV would kiss their asses.

Be it corporate assholes who want to control what an artist can/cannot do and take 98% of the money their albums make, idiots who are ready to get insulted in front of national TV for a few bucks or stupid ass has-been celebs dissing, insulting and racially abusing in hope that they'd be the talk of the town, reality TV and human morals have hit an all time low. It remains to be seen how much more worse it could possibly get.

I'm Back!

Tuesday, January 23, 2007
... and this must be sad news to a lot of people, because I'm going to start boring you all to death again! Ah, so anyway, this was a much needed break, especially with all the things that have been going on. Don't worry, I'm not going to put all the personal shit right here... I'm not going to start boring you all to death all that immediately .

But during this "little" break, I missed a few things. I missed Lizze's and Cap's blog posts (I'm a regular reader, you know). Have a lot to catch up. And most importantly, I missed Cap's birthday (grrr). She turned 180 (don't look at me, go to her blog and see for yourself). I mean, what could be more fun than hanging out with an almost two centuries old person with a cat named TFC (the fucking cat), and watching them blow all the 180 candles on the birthday cake? (*pufff* *pant* *grunt*... I know, I'm evil )

I missed all my online friends (Komal, Balla, Yogi, Jay. Oh, and how can I forget Elena, even though she probably had a bad PMS and deleted all her online contacts ), and have a lot of catching up to do with them. I've completely lost track of all the blogs I read. Must have missed atleast 20 posts in each blog. And then there are the usual things that I would have missed... porno, hot chicks on MySpace, and tons of new music on Last.fm. And probably some bullshit celebrity news that is only worth making fun of.

But heck, I'm back and I'm feeling a lot better from the things that were bothering me (Thank you Liz ). I'm not completely okay, but I guess I'm good enough to handle them..... for now atleast lol. Now, I got some searching to do and find something stupid to blog about...

Camels Are People Too

Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Like I mentioned in one of my previous posts, we Indians take the definition of a word to a whole new level. 'Specially political terms. This time, secularism gets a whole new definition. Adding a simple prefix pseudo to it, Secularism in India is defined to perfection.

First, the Madras high court made a good move by banning slaughter of camels in the name of religion by Muslims. "The interim injunction granted by the honourable court is that no animals (camels) should be slaughtered during Bakrid or for any religious purpose. The reason is that this will spread diseases like anthrax to the native cattle and also it brings some bacteria that will affect the humans"

Then rather surprisingly, the next day, the ban was vacated! Reason: "There is no law in the state against the slaughter of animals. Besides, under sections 296 and 298 of the Chennai Corporation Act, the Corporation Commissioner could authorise the slaughter of animals even in places other than abattoirs."

And no one bothers about the anthrax and bacteria and the human lives all of a sudden? Of course they don't. There are far more dangerous things than anthrax or bacterias (or is it bacterium? I suck at biology, so pardon me), like the Islamic extremists, who might - putting it politely - protest the move. A poor little bacteria would kill far less people than a religious fanatic deprived of err... "religious rights" would.

And damn right this is pseudo secular. I'll tell you why. In a moment. Let me bash the religious fanatics a little more. "According to the Holy Quran, God appeared in Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham's) dream and asked him to sacrifice something that was most dear to him. Prophet Ibrahim decided to sacrifice his own son, Ismail. However, when he put a knife on Ismail's throat, God replaced his son with a goat through a miracle. The festival seeks to convey that sacrifice is supreme," reasons the article.

If sacrifice is supreme, why not sacrifice your barbaric nature for the sake of secularism? For the sake of the survival of the poor animals. Hey, animals are people too... in a way. Heck, if that doesn't convince them, one of the biggest goats of the century was "sacrificed" a few days ago. A goat named Saddam. Why not consider it as the last animal "sacrifice" and turn over a new leaf? For the sake of Democracy. And by the way, I don't see the animal rights activist Maneka Gandhi fighting for camels' rights. Is she being racist towards camels???

Right, pseudo secularism... When its time for a non Muslim festival, like Diwali, there are millions of restrictions. Like "no bursting crackers after 9 pm" (Yeah right, as if people go to bed at or before 9). "No bursting crackers that have a decibel of more than 125". Right, as if we have a sonograph or whatever to measure the sound. And as if there is someone going around the neighborhood with a sonograph, enforcing this stupid law. Personally, I hate fireworks. Its for dimwits. But still, a restriction is a restriction. And when restrictions/rules don't apply to particular sections of the society, particularly the "minority", its pseudo secularism. This just goes to show that the Government is full of tiny balled idiotas, who can't face a minority group and say, "Fuck you, Sparky. You're part of a Democracy, and rules apply to you too."

Heck, muslims seem to get away with anything these days. In the name of their religion. And this gives me an idea. I could convert into a mulsim, kill the snoring grandpa next door, rape a hot chick because I'm getting really desperate, then drive around town running over pedestrians to please my psychotic alter ego, and get away with it all. Just like a black person would, after raping and brutally murdering a nun by saying, "You fuckin' cracka ass racist! It's juz cuz I'm black ain't it? You say that fuckin' word like you know what you be talkin' bout! You is ignorant!"