Finally! I get to rant about the "party" I attended about four of days ago. It's a surprise I could hold it in for this long! Before I begin, this might seem a long post. But trust me, I've made it as humorous as possible. It's a good read (atleast I think so). So don't get all "oh man this is long" and read on. So with that said, let me get to the gory details.

We (My dad and I) were to go there in a rental car. A boxy rental car, actually. One with uncomfortable leg space. Well, any car I get in has bad leg space, 'cause I'm an unusually tall guy. Add to that, a little heavy traffic. One that won't move an inch for half an hour. Enough to make my crotch all wrinkly and painful. You would imagine traffic can be fun, given that there are a few hotties around in the nearby vehicles. That's a negative as well. I only find in front of me, 20 teenagers packed into the back of a mini truck, five of them sitting on the edge. And it's very difficult to look around for chicks, with all that smoky vehicle fart that some people call an emission.

So there I am, stuck in the fucking traffic, right. I start getting a little dizzy, with all that smoke. I guess no one follows emission standards. Luck is something when you're in such a situation, you'd find a way out of it... like turn on the air conditioner, and roll up the windows. Bad luck is when the boxy rental doesn't have an A/C. Really bad luck is when the boxy rental doesn't have an A/C and the day is realtively hot that you can't roll up the windows. So there I am, really desperate for a hot chick air. Clean air. I slowly start to lose consciousness. And then, a miracle happens. No, I don't see Jesus. The traffic gets a move on.

Not for long though. Fifty feet later, it stops again. Luckily though, in five minutes, the traffic is clear. We show up at the party 45 minutes late. Thankfully. I mean, whats a party without hot chicks in tank tops and revealing clothes, without drinking, without good music etc. Even if the party is a celebration of 25 years of married life (My sister-in-law's uncle and Aunt). Before I continue the rant, I gotta salute my sister-in-law's uncle, for its a great feat to have survived the 25 years of shit his wife put him through. No wonder he is prematurely gray, and bald. Well, semi bald. Okay, back to the party. Just when you would think it can't get any worse than not having hot chicks in bikinis, it actually does get worse...

"And how can it?", you ask? With stupid "games". See, this place was relatively small, but atleast 50-60 people had made it to the party. So it was naturally crowded. This place had four pillars right in the middle, forming a square. Imagine the roof having four legs, like a table and you'll get a clear picture. And for this first "game", all the 60 people had to go in circles around it when a stupid music played. Sort of like musical chairs. Each pillar was given the name of a city. When the music stopped, everyone had to "grab" a pillar, while the "conductor" would randomly shout out the name of one of the selected four city's name. Whoever were touching that pillar were out of the game, and the game continued till only one person was left. Oh. My. God . And its nothing to be proud of when someone wins this game, its as childish as it can get. But no, one of the elder sisters of A won (lets call her Loudmouth) and she started boasting. Like she had won the FIFA world cup for her team single handedly. (I made it almost to the end and almost won, if I do say so myself ).

"HEY SON! TAKE A PICTURE OF ME!!!", Loudmouth screamed to her son. And everybody pretended it sounded funny and let out supressed laughter. Atleast I did. Then came the next game. For this one, all the sixty people were divided into three groups, and this game would consist of four rounds of tasks, and whoever had the maximum points at the end would win. "Ah, finally! Something that involves teamwork and could actually be fun!", I thought. I was going to be wrong, of course.

My dad was in another team, and he was made the leader of his group, which was not a big surprise since he is a natural leader. Loudmouth was the leader of another team (thank God for that), and some unknown person (must be a relative of A) was the "leader" of the group I was in. First round. The leader had to arrange the group members in an ascending-descending order of height, alternatively. Jesus H. Christ! Lame game, and lamer still when you would think this is as easy as it can get, but our "leader" sucks at getting it done. Add to it all the disorganized people in my team. It took almost an eternity to accomplish this simple task. Apparently every group had a majority of disorganized people, and no one had finished this simple task five minutes into the "game". Finally, when it was accomplished, our team came in second. Loudmouth's team was first (wow) and my dad was stuck with a team consisting 95% of disorganized people.

Second round. An annoying music would be played in a half arsed stereo system and all the group members had to dance to it. Whichever team appeared to be the most synchronized would win. Fuck that. I hate dancing to shitty music. And I'm only used to headbanging. Now, I had to follow the "leaders" corny dance moves. Going in circles. Wiggling your fingers in the air. Shaking your butt. The chicken dance and what not. It was chaos. And not surprisingly, we came last in that round. My dad's group won, which was a surprise since it had the most number of disorganized people.

Third round. This one consisted of the leader having to memorize all the teams' married couples' date of anniversary, and say it in front of the announcer/host/whatever you call it (actually, I can call her anything, but lets stick to "announcer"). My dad unleashed his memory power and it was a cakewalk victory for his team. The leader of our group sucked at memory skills, added to his dancing, organizing and leadership skills. He even tried to cheat his way into winning this round, which was pathetic since you don't achieve anything big if you win. Not even a cookie. I don't remember who came in second. Actually, I don't care to remember.

Fourth round. Last round (THANK YOU JESUS!!!!). Another memorizing game, and obviously I expected us to finish last. This time he had to memorize all the names of the team members. And you know someone needs a time-out when they can't even remember a name that has only four letters. The leader had to ask me twice what my name was. I don't know who won, because by the time they were announcing the "winners" of this round, I had excused myself to take a piss. I took the time to kick the walls and bash my head on the wall as well. When I returned, dads team had won overall and (surprise surprise) we had come in second. Nothing to be proud of, of course, but there were handshakes and whistling and cheering all around.

I was rolling my eyes at these pathetic losers, when someone announced dinner was ready. "Oh boy! End of heartache!", I thought. I was wrong again. Bad turned to worse. The food sucked to say the least. The soup made me want to throw up, but I somehow downed it (with much difficulty) so everyone would think I was a nice guy. Finishing dinner was a Herculian task. But when I did finish it, the announcer (the daughter of A, did I mention?) err... announced that there were random, spot prizes to be won, and asked everyone not to leave immediately. Wow, our first attempt to flee foiled.

Random prizes included "Who-has-the-most-number-of-credit-cards-right-now" prize, "Who-has-a-PAN-card-right-now" prize, "Well dressed couple", "Who-has-shades" prize and other lame prizes of that sort. Everyone were rushing to the front, like pathetic losers, to win something desperately. Oh my God, they even had a "Who-has-the-most-coins" prize, and Loudmouth rushed to the "stage" to show off her cheapskate skills. Oh my God. I mean, coins just kept coming out of her purse... 1... 2... 3... 45... 89... 694... it seemed like it was never gonna end! The announcer got tired and just shoved her the prize. I was surprised there wasn't a "Who-has-the-loudest-mouth" prize and a "Who-is-the-most-disorganized" prize. There would have been a lot of competition for that, though Loudmouth would have won the former without competition.

Finally, it was over. We found an opportunity to leave, and used it to our advantage. I thought the time would never come! I wanted to leave desperately. It was an evening dominated by Loudmouth, disorganized people and bad food. Though, I did learn something from this experience. After all, we all keep learning something from everthing we do. I learnt that I wasn't a pathetic loser after all. Atleast, I wasn't rock bottom. There were loads of people in the party, desperately trying to win something to make themselves feel better. I guess they must be sore losers in real life. I also learnt that I was good at making people laugh with my antics. See, I'm never myself when I go out. But this time, I tried being myself and it worked well. Looks like I have a good future in stand up and slapstick comedy. And I read somewhere chicks like humorous guys too, so its all going well after all! But I really hope I never end up in a stupid party again. And never meet all these strange people ever again.